A Bayonetta Christmas
by detrametal
Summary: A short modern AU of Bayonetta, Jeanne, and the rest finding a bit of the (late) Christmas spirit.


**This was meant to be a Christmas story…obviously that didn't happen. Here it is though.**

Jeanne Umbra watched the scenery flow by her as the train hurtled down the tracks, moving back to Purgatory City after all these years was…jarring. Rubbing her face lightly, Jeanne wondered how things had changed in the past 10 years and found herself toying with the ends of her long silver hair in a nervous habit that she thought she had kicked years ago "What in the world?" she muttered as she dropped her hair and wove her fingers together in an attempt to keep from fidgeting, knowing that in a few minutes she would either be playing with her hair again or nodding off.

* * *

The tombstone was refined and beautiful, but it was neither opulent or large, the names on it were equally so, Rosa and Balder Lumen. She could hear Enzo and Rodin talking some distance behind her. It was touching that they would come with her…or rather, it would be if they could be any quieter. Turning around, Bayonetta smirked at the two of them "Come along boys, we've got a lot of work to do today."

Enzo sighed and shook his head "Really? Ain't we got a lot of work to do every day?" Rodin fell into step behind Bayonetta as they made their way out of the cemetery and into Enzo's car. "And why the hell are we usin' my car?!"

Bayonetta or 'Bayo' to her closest confidants smirked as she kicked her feet up onto the dashboard "Because out of all of us-"

She was cut off by Enzo's phone ringing, instead of irritation, she glanced between the driver and his phone quizzically. She knew that ringtone, it was his kids' emergency line. He gave her the briefest glance but she was already nodding. She could only hear him answer with "Baby?" before he pulled over and both Bayo and Rodin stepped out of the car. Enzo's face was growing more and more anxious as the conversation went on. When he hung up, Enzo rolled down the window "I gotta go, Edna's fever ain't goin' down."

Bayonetta nodded "Go get your little ones to the hospital, if you need to take time just call me."

Enzo felt tears sting his eyes as he nodded and sped off. Rodin looked at his boss and asked "So how are we getting back?"

Laughing, she replied with "How about we go to the park and wait for a taxi there?" it was lucky that both of them were in casual clothes and, to be honest, it wasn't the strangest thing that the rich woman had told him to do, plus it could never be as bad as their time skiing in Switzerland. As they walked, the city life didn't seem any different than when they took their weekly stroll across the city, in fact, Bayonetta knew most of the people in the city by name…or rather, the small town called 'city'.

That made it somewhat surprising when she suddenly stopped and, after a moment, he could see why. Someone he didn't recognize was walking down the sidewalk in a stunning red leather biker outfit. Rodin watched the stranger with curiosity, after all, it was an unusual thing to see new people in the town. He was slightly more concerned when Bayonetta suddenly started up to the woman as he scrambled to keep up.

When the two women were about 10 feet apart, the stranger turned and saw Bayonetta both of them froze. "Jeanne?"

The silver-haired woman gasped "Bayonetta Lumen?"

Bayo laughed "Of course dear!" they got closer and Rodin moved towards the side, close enough to intervein if necessary, but not so close as to disrupt them. Jeanne glanced at him silently for a second before Bayonetta informed her "This is Rodin, he works with me."

That caused the silver-haired woman to tilt her head slightly "Oh? What type of work?" Her calm gray eyes were steady as they moved between the tall woman and the taller man. Rodin had to appreciate that she wasn't nervous around him, something very few people were on their first meeting. For a moment, the faintest moment, he wondered if anything could rattle that calm.

Bayonetta waved her hands airily "Oh, this and that. But far more interesting is what are you doing back here?"

Jeanne bit her bottom lip for a moment "I took a teaching position at the high school."

The other woman blinked "You want to teach?" it was filled with a genuine curiosity.

"Not just want to, I am a teacher." The reply was calm but Bayonetta could tell there was something not being said.

Instead of confronting it there, Bayonetta offered diplomatically "Perhaps we could exchange numbers and catch up some other time? Maybe Saturday? That would give you three days to get your bearings."

Caught off guard by the offer and the situation in general, Jeanne took a slightly deeper than normal breath before nodding "That would be nice." she pulled out her phone and a few taps later their information was exchanged.

There was a brief parting exchange as Jeanne begged to get to her apartment and start unpacking with Bayonetta agreeing with the need to get back to her own work. As they walked their separate ways, Rodin watched Bayonetta, her normally amused smirk was nowhere to be seen and in its place was a face of contemplation. He said nothing because he knew that her mind was spinning and he really didn't want to get dragged into that maelstrom.

Jeanne nearly ran to her apartment, not realizing that she had been biting her lip and holding one hand to her chest the entire journey. The instant she closed the door behind her a smile broke out across her face and even the piles of boxes couldn't dim the warmth of it. She hadn't been close to Bayonetta before she moved but there was something about seeing how…wild? Cultured? Wildly cultured? The woman was that brought a strange sort of happiness to Jeanne.

* * *

Bayonetta was in her office, it always reminded her of an old English hunting lodge, it was obviously modeled in that style after all or maybe more Croft Manor, Rodin and Enzo sat on the other side of the desk and watched her closely. "I'm just going to cut to the burning questions you have. That was the Jeanne Umbra I had you look into, we went to the same schools here until she moved, she must have been, oh, fourteen or so. She moved because her mother was head of the state chapter of the United States Victorian Woman's Association, she does not have a father as she was born from donor sperm-that was a strange conversation to say the least." she mused.

As she looked at Enzo, the portly man dropped small manilla file on the desk "She didn't lie about being a teacher. She applied at the college but they said she needed her Master's before they even considered it, from what I heard she's takin' night classes and teachin' seniors at the high school. Rough." He added as he remembered how apathetic his own senior year was before he dropped out.

The other two remembered their own senior years very differently, but agreed as they were nearly equally as troublesome. Rodin shrugged his massive shoulders "All my sources say pretty much the same, the only other thing I know was that she was part of the motorcycle association back in Dante City. Damn good rider by all accounts too."

Things were quiet as Bayonetta moved to sign one of the stacks of paper, both men silently fidgety before Enzo burst "Okay Bayo, what's up? Normally when someone moves to town you don't give a fuck. What's up with this chick?"

The only answer they got was one they were not expecting. Bayonetta looked up at them with unreadable eyes "What indeed…"

* * *

After Rodin and Enzo had gone home for the night, Bayonetta sat in her room lit only by the screen of her computer. Her fingers fluttered distractedly over the keys as she tried to remember the few interactions she had with the other woman. Bayonetta was three years older and that limited their contact in school but she remembered the other girl, even outside of school, only vaguely.

With a sigh, Bayonetta gave up on getting anymore work done and shut off the computer before moving to the library and grabbing one of the yearbooks. If nothing else, they might jog her memory on something that happened back in middle and high school. Instead, they showed Jeanne with short hair, something that made the reader smile, as did the imperious look the other sported, far less relaxed than what she had seen that afternoon. With a smirk, she took the book back to her bedroom and spent some time reminiscing about her years at the school where Jeanne now taught.

Jeanne, likewise, settled into her bed; sure, she was still surrounded by boxes but there was far fewer than originally sat around her in precarious towers. Her phone's browser was open with a simple search "Bayonetta Lumen" with thousands of results, most stemming from her work. Bayonetta was the head of a global artifact trade enterprise with her fingers in all sorts of other trade like electronics and heavy machinery. It wasn't a surprise that she was as wealthy as she was. The candy bar in her mouth nearly fell as she stumbled on a picture of Bayonetta decked out for a ball of some sort, stunning was an understatement. Shaking her head, Jeanne managed to reset her brain before looking at the calendar and realizing that she had just shy of a month to get settled in before tackling the spring semester.

A moment later her ringtone filled the room "Hello mother, how are you? Good. I have a strange question, what do you remember about Bayonetta Lumen?"

* * *

The café was on the city's main street, although that meant something more like 10 cars an hour rather than 2, but it was where Bayonetta and Jeanne had agreed to meet. The Athens Greek Café was quick to have Jeanne seated and almost equally as fast to give her a menu, but she managed to buy some time with the "I'm meeting someone." and she was given some space. She watched as the lunch crowd flooded the seats as well as the deli counter, the ever-flowing tide of people was only stemmed by how quickly those working managed to respond.

Blink and you'd miss 4 orders.

She actually even missed Bayonetta entering and only saw her when she sat down "Been waiting long?" the other asked with the sort of sultry tone that was so compelling that Jeanne found herself following Bayonetta's pace.

"Just a few minutes, just enough to see the flood." she replied with a gesture to the counter.

Bayonetta laughed easily before nodding "Yeah, that's an apt comparison." As she settled in the flow of people died to a small trickle and a portly, or rather, matronly women came to the table.

She was beautiful in a way that made Jeanne think of rosy cheeks, full picnic baskets, and a constant offering of friendly wine deep into a night of laughter. "Miss Bayonetta! It's good to see you. What would you like?" her Greek accent was thin, like she had spent a long time around people without it and hers had faded, but it was still noticeable if you had an ear for it.

Bayonetta rolled her eyes "I told you Sophia, just Bayonetta. I was thinking some tea and the salmon."

Jeanne had only glanced at the menu, but she could tell that everything was done with care "I'd like the tea as well and the…" she froze. Everything looked good but she couldn't pronounce any of it and half the items looked like they would feed a small army.

The lady, Sophia, seemed to understand and slid into the gap "Could I suggest the octopus?"

With relief, Jeanne smiled "That sounds wonderful." Their hostess left and Jeanne found herself in the enviable position of having Bayonetta's full attention "Thank you for inviting me here, it's incredibly nice."

The other woman waved it off "There's no way you could have known it was here, after all, no restaurant in this city is the same from when you were here last."

Feeling a smirk coming, Jeanne countered "Except the burger chain."

"Except the burger chain." Bayonetta conceded with a small smile of her own. The tea arrived at the table and as they adjusted for personal taste Bayonetta asked "So how is your mother?"

Jeanne sighed with good natured exasperation "Mother is being Mother, still more concerned over corsets and petticoats than figuring out how to do more than call and look at cat pictures on her phone." That got a laugh out of Bayonetta. Unfortunately, Jeanne stepped on a land mine "So how are your parents?"

Bayonetta didn't flinch but said quietly "They both passed." it seemed like some sort of internal dam was broken "Dad passed from a heart attack seven years ago, he was older so it wasn't too much of a surprise-he was 52 when I was born after all. Mom died two years ago from bone cancer; it was rough but it's over now." Without thinking, Jeanne covered one of Bayonetta's hands with her own.

There was silence for a few minutes as Bayonetta stared into her tea and Jeanne staring at Bayonetta. Fearing that she had overstepped, Jeanne apologized "I'm sorry," she nearly whispered "both for your loss and because I didn't know."

Seemingly plucked from her stupor Bayonetta curled her hand over Jeanne's and gave a tepid smile "You didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry I just blurted that out."

Now it was Jeanne's turn to shake her head "There is nothing wrong with that. If you need someone to talk to, just call me."

Gently squeezing her hand, Bayonetta let Jeanne go just before a young man approached them "Hello there Senora!" he had a charming but utterly laughable smile on his face "Is there anything I can do for you? Anything I can get you?" Jeanne was trying not to laugh, so damn hard.

Anyone could see that he was trying harder than he needed to, far harder, and was coming on too strong, like when someone put on a ridiculous amount of cologne. He apparently took her barely restrained laughter as a sign to go on "My name is Luka, please, let me know if you need anything."

Before Jeanne could say anything, Bayonetta snickered "Careful Luka, she'll be your teacher come next fall." His body looked hysterical as he locked up and let out a near whimper.

He turned to face her and Jeanne managed to say with somewhat of a straight face "Oh, so you're a junior? I look forward to seeing you in the fall." Luka walked off, but it was so stiff it would have been more at home on a robot.

As soon as he made it through the door to the kitchen, a resounding _SMACK!_ resonated through the café as Sophia chastised him "How many times must I say it? DO NOT FLIRT WITH THE CUSTOMERS! It would be one thing if you weren't working, but on the clock?"

He tried to defend himself "But Mama-"

There was another _SMACK! _"No excuses! I swear, between your flirting and your father's job, you'll worry me to death!"

Luka had all but disappeared after that but Sophia had been a good hostess as well as chef and they both enjoyed the meal with only light chatter. As they sat with the warm glow of good food and good company, Bayonetta asked "So how long do you plan to stay in town?" her face was a careful mask, one that showed that she was genuinely curious without giving away too much emotion.

Jeanne gave a light shrug "I don't really know, granted I would like to settle down but that depends on a lot of things."

Holding her tea cup to her mouth, Bayonetta continued "If you had the choice?"

Jeanne leaned into her palm "I suppose I'd stay here; the town is nice and I can teach, maybe not exactly what I would like but if I could make a living here, I suppose I'd stay."

After that there was a short silence before they paid and went on their way, Bayonetta directed them to small park hidden behind a strip mall. "I've heard you applied for the college but they turned you down."

Jeanne tensed for a second before letting out a deep breath "That's true. I applied to teach a historical fiction class but they said I needed more qualifications."

The older didn't say anything, she waited until Jeanne relaxed a bit more. "Would you like to meet up again sometime?"

Jeanne let out a laugh "Are you kicking me out already?"

Rolling her eyes good naturedly, Bayonetta replied "No, I just enjoyed this little outing and I would like to meet again sometime."

Smiling, Jeanne concurred "It was nice. We should do this more, but I don't know what we might like to do."

"Leave that part to me."

* * *

Rodin tried to school his features but he couldn't do that and resist the urge to facepalm at the same time "Bayo…what the hell are you doing?"

The woman in question was sitting at her vanity holding up different necklaces to a white sheet of paper and staring at them intently "I'm checking to see which one I like better."

"Obviously not on yourself. Is this for Jeanne?"

Sniffing like she had been reprimanded Bayo nearly snipped "Is it any of your business?"

He held up his hands "Whoa, that's not what I meant. You're closer to a tan and Jeanne's pretty pale. You're holding 'em up to white paper, what else was I supposed to think?"

Sighing heavily, Bayonetta turned to him for the first time since he entered the room "I don't know what to get her for Christmas."

"You wanna get her something? Why? She's only been back a few weeks."

"Because it would be nice." Bayo retorted as she turned back to the vanity.

Trying to think of what the other woman might like was something of a stretch for Rodin "I don't know what she might like, but I do know that she likes experiences over things."

Bayo spun on the chair "That's it! I'll take her skiing!"

Rodin nearly broke into a cold sweat "NO! Not after what happened last time, and we're still not allowed back in Switzerland or any of the resorts this side of the Mississippi." A stray thought entered his head "Why are you even so concerned about this? I mean, I get that it's a nice thing, but usually you just know what to get them and move on…Are you trying to flirt with Jeanne?"

Both necklaces clattered to the vanity top and silence reigned as Bayonetta stared at the mirror with her mouth open in shock. The only sound was the faint hum of the electronics while Rodin was beginning to get uncomfortable under the shocked gaze of his boss. Just as he was becoming afraid that he had broken her, Bayonetta's face turned a deep red as blood rushed just under the skin. Knowing that anything else he said might be grounds to have something thrown at him, he slipped away as quietly as he could.

It was the 22nd and Jeanne was in her apartment lounging in long pajama pants and an old tee. Christmas lights could be seen out of her living room window as music beat through her glass, although nothing directly in the apartment screamed the holiday. Sipping at a cup of hot cider, Jeanne couldn't help but think that in Dante City she had been very much one for decorations, but something about the move just made her not what to decorate.

A knock on the door had her wary as she wasn't expecting anyone, but peeking through the hole had her throwing the locks as fast as she could. "Bayo! I wasn't expecting you." then she caught sight of the woman's expression "Is everything alright?"

"May I come in?" it was so polite and neutral as to be un-Bayonetta-like.

"Sure?" as Bayo sat, Jeanne was become more and more unsettled. She was just acting so strange. "Can I ask what this is about?"

Bayonetta took a deep breath "I know that you would rather do something than have something. I am hosting a Christmas/New Year's ball this year and I'm expecting many people I do business with. Would you like to attend?"

Jeanne blinked several times as that sunk in "W-Y-yes! I would love to go!"

With a flushed face, she continued "Then would you like to go as my date?"

Jeanne was so blindsided she stared at Bayonetta for a good minute, not a thought entered her head as it rebooted to understand what she was just asked.

* * *

The 27th felt like do or die for Jeanne, sure, she trusted Bayonetta about this but the whole affair seemed…excessive. Her home was completely decked out for the party and she had even hired security and staff just for the event. Jeanne didn't think she would be welcome or even comfortable at something like this but it was Bayonetta who asked.

And Jeanne quickly found herself unable to say 'no' to the other women.

Jeanne had arrived early and was ushered to a guestroom by Rodin, a face she was beginning to think of as friendly, to get ready in. Thankfully, it was small by Bayonetta's standards…which meant she could only fit her entire apartment in it as opposed to two.

Bayo had told her that there would be a special outfit for her. To say that terrified Jeanne would be an understatement. Deciding that it was a now-or-never situation, Jeanne went to the bed where a few boxes lay, one was a make up kit with some instructions, another box was a small necklace with a pendant of the crescent moon and a matching ring, the final box was a set of mid-calf red boots, not necessarily dress boots but she wouldn't wear them ridings.

She swallowed heavily and made her way to the closet and felt trepidation flood her body. She closed her eyes and the threw open the doors. She counted it a blessing that whatever was in there was not shiny enough to blind her through closed eyes.

What was there was, ironically, something Jeanne almost mistook for something she wore regularly. It was the same red as her riding gear but this was a slim suit that she couldn't help but notice the beauty in, everything about it was slim and delicate but that was her body type, the coloring was bold and the contrasts with the undershirt, vest, and tie brought out a variety of reds. Even though she wasn't usually one to get excited over clothes she couldn't wait to try on the suit and when she realized what time it was, she raced to the shower.

She scolded herself for one thought she had as she disrobed; it wasn't an unkind one either just a bit naughty. She noticed that the soap was the same scent as the one Bayonetta confessed to using. Her mind immediately interjected 'it's just like bathing with Bayo' which earned her a blush and blast of cold water.

When she finished getting ready Jeanne stepped out of the room and made her way down the hall to find Rodin in a form fitting black suit "You look good." she praised.

He smirked before replying "You look amazing. Oh, Bayo wants to come in with you, all you gotta do is link arms with her and go down the main staircase."

Suddenly realizing that there would be _things_ involved with being Bayonetta's date, her mouth dried and her knees started to shake. Rodin realized what was happening and shot a quick text before getting Jeanne back in the guest room and sitting down in one of the chairs. Shortly after, Enzo walked in, his own style a bit more…flamboyant.

Rodin and Enzo nodded to each other before changing places. The Italian waited a minute before handing Jeanne a bottle of water "Ya gotta calm down, don't worry about this."

"How can I not?"

Sitting down in the chair beside her Enzo shrugged "Eh, focus on some good stuff, hell, most of these people are Bayo's friends so it ain't gonna matter if something happens." There was a silence and it still looked like Jeanne would start hyperventilating at any moment "Eh, at least it won't be like Bayo's first ball." Jeanne looked up at him with concern. He shrugged at the silent question "She got like two, three steps down before she tripped and her dress tore at the knees, the band didn't show so we hadda come up with something fast that ended up being a music streaming of classic, but it sucked, the food was good-real good, but the power went out half-way through. Gotta say, we bought out all of the town's candles after that."

Now that he had Jeanne's full attention Enzo said plainly "Don't worry about it, Bayo trusts you and that means a lot. Now, as the guy who's been with Bayo the longest I gotta tell ya, I think you and her get on good, don't mean you won't fight but I don't see ya bustin' things up over one. But this is super important, you stay with her, you gotta help us keep her outta trouble."

"Trouble?"

"Yeah, like remind her she's not allowed in Switzerland."

Jeanne's confusion was plain to see "What happened?"

Enzo made a sour face "Well, it started off with her nearly killin' the ski instructor-on accident, she burnt down part of the first lodge when she left the fire place on, she got us thrown out of the second lodge when she got to arguing with the owner over some sports crap. Then she gets us banned from the country for punchin' the prime minister in the mouth."

Jeanne just stared and Enzo shrugged "You can't do worse than Bayo on her own, she's a freakin' disaster."

Enzo looked at his watch "I gotta go. You'll do fine." And he sprinted off as fast as his legs could carry him.

Jeanne stared at her feet until it was time.

Bayonetta felt a bit nervous, this was, after all, her first time having a date to anything. Normally she just waved off the line of people who wanted to hang off her arm for the fame but this was different. Jeanne wanted nothing but her company, no end game that was a way for her to get money, no plan to get away with anything. She felt a reassurance from her dress, it was her absolute favorite and a spike of concern lanced through her, would Jeanne be comfortable in what she was wearing? It was a massive oversight on her part and Bayo let out a sigh as she started berating herself.

That is, until Jeanne came around the corner.

Bayonetta felt her mind short for a second as she stared at Jeanne. The silence was broken as Jeanne asked "Do-do I look alright?"

"You look amazing. Shall we go?"

Offering her arm, Jeanne added "You look beautiful." For a moment before the door opened, they were a matched pair with Bayonetta's face the same red as Jeanne's suit. Jeanne turned quickly and pecked Bayonetta on the cheek, as Bayo turned she whispered "For luck."

A soft smile slid onto Bayonetta's face as she pecked Jeanne's lips "For luck."


End file.
